the paquettes

Since this blog post is being written on June 5th, and not Rilyn’s actual birthday, June 3rd, I thought it would be “fun” to reminisce about June 5th, 2004.  That was Rilyn’s first night at home, and my wise mom told me to write down how I felt the next day, (as I was in tears), because I would forget one day, and I could look back, read it, and see God’s grace and provision.  Here I am, exactly 8 years later, and as I read the words in Rilyn’s baby book, I remember the feelings that spun around in my racing mind- hopelessness, “my life will never be the same!”, “I will never sleep normally again”,  crying because Nancy Reagan just died (a little hormonal don’t ya think?), and because it was my first, having no timeline of when seasons will end…

June 5, 2004  ”Your first night home”  (she was born on a Thursday)

“Rilyn, all day on Saturday you were loved and cuddled by family!  You never got a good nap.  The extended family all left at 10 p.m. except grandma who is staying for the week!  Me and daddy were so tired!  Your first night was very tough!  Me and daddy both cried that night.  We thought you would sleep in your pack n’play at 10 p.m. in our bedroom.  We were wrong.  As soon as we put you down, you cried.  Mommy fed you, but you still kept crying after you were done.  We didn’t know how to quiet you.  Me and daddy both started feeling sick because of the lack of sleep and worries over you.  Grandma got a wake up call at 3 a.m. from me.  I walked in her room sobbing (and you were crying too!)  ”I don’t know what to do!  I just want to sleep!”  Grandma took you in the living room and held you from 3 a.m. til 6 a.m.  You fell asleep on her chest.  Grandma was a lifesaver that night.  Daddy slept all day on Sunday trying to get better.  I napped and walked around like a zombie.  Needless to say, we were not prepared emotionally for you-babies are a lot of work!  We pray that we will get the hang of being parents!”

Whew!  Reading that feels pretty depressing, but it’s real, and I was a mess.  I realized how selfish I was when she came into this world, and I was struggling!  8 years later, I can look back, and see God’s grace and blessings ALL over her life!  I see pictures like these below, and am so thankful that He entrusted me with this precious life when I was and still am so incapable.  Being desperate for Your Savior goes to a whole new level when you first become a parent, and reminiscing today is a good reminder that I should need Him today more than even June 5th, 2004.  God willing, I have 10 more years in our home to shepherd Rilyn’s heart!  I pray, let me be desperate for my Lord so He can use me to disciple her well!

Wake up!  It’s your birthday donut !!

running through the birthday tape!

I’m 8!

a present from Ella